fangirljen: (The One He Needs)
I've been kind of pampering myself as of late. I'm getting more sleep, I'm taking better care of my body (maybe not with the kinds of foods, but definitely with how much food I consume; and I want to start a better skin care regiment)...okay, but focus on the positive, right? :) When I was in San Francisco last week, [livejournal.com profile] iamradar pointed me out to Lush. OH DEAR GOD! This place! It would only be better if it had bath salts. I bought so many bath bombs. And they are fun! I don't throw them in the water, but I shave some of it off and throw it in the bath. What I get is silky scented water with bubbles. Feels really good. :D I've been trying to walk more. I walked about two miles today. It definitely is not as bad as I thought it would be. I am going to attempt to walk every day.

I've been reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth and Julia Cameron's The Writing Diet: Write Yourself Right-Size. Both have been very influential. I'm feeling somewhat grounded. I'm letting go of my insecure feelings. I would go into it more, but I'm tired right now. I've been up for twelve hours and feel really taxed.

But I wanted to get in some of my thoughts on the newest episode of Heroes...here )

Sleeepy

Jan. 5th, 2009 11:14 pm
fangirljen: (Bathtub Confessional)
I'm still finding myself emotionally exhausted...but on the plus side, I don't think I'm as depressed as I was. I've tried to make small changes. I have begun working on a Vision Board. I didn't do anything on it today, but I had been working on it Saturday and Sunday. I'll be putting more time in it on Tuesday, I hope. And I'll be reading the newest edition of What Color is Your Parachute? too. I have about four books that I'm reading from right now. *laughs* I'm gonna complete them. Hopefully this month. After I finish What Color is Your Parachute? I'll go back to the others.

But that's for later. Now for sleep. :)
fangirljen: (Daphne)
Well now! Happy 09 everybody! New year. New hopes, new dreams. Or, old dreams, but you brush them off so they look new. But January 1st has that way of making things, even old, feel bright and new. I've regained some of my hope, even if I have no physical reason for that. One thing is for sure: I have an amazing support system of friends. Thank you for being there. :)

The most important thing I am doing this year is that I am giving myself permission to write freely. In fact, I'm going to taking part in a journaling class on Sundays, starting this week. I'm not sure how regularly I will attend, as it is ten dollars a class. I would rather not put forty dollars a month into this, but the first week? Yeah, I'll be there. And then I will see from there. I am also going to give myself permission to read. I've gotten stuck in another rut. A rut within a rut. I need to do my outside activities. I'm going to build them up. First, my three focuses are going to be: writing, reading, and exercising. The exercising part is going to be walking. I have also taken an interest in really paying attention to what I'm eating. I had this interesting conversation with my manager yesterday about his philosophy on food. He does not eat meat because he doesn't want to put anything dead into his body. When you take in something dead, you are taking in everything that it took in its life, as well as the death. I am probably on my way of becoming a vegetarian. I do try to not eat meat very often already, though. Or, I can approach it as what I am putting into my body, this is worth it.

I think these three things will help other things to fall into line. Other things that are on my mind are: how to build up and maintain self-confidence, especially when looking for a job and applying for a job; finding simplicity; cleaning. And that's just to start. I want to make my life more streamlined. The good thing is these things are about lifestyle changing. And, honestly, I don't think it's gonna take very much to do for me to see an improvement. The one thing I have to remember is that I am a work in progress and I don't want to get comfortable with my new life, even if it is tempting. That brings up another point: choices and impulse control. Gotta learn how to curb those.

I think I'm gonna like writing freely. I really don't know what is gonna come out. It was a fear of mine before--journaling and learning something about myself that I don't like--but now I've come to embrace it.

Let's see what happens. :D
fangirljen: (Fangirl Dance!)
Seriously? Who does? I guess I should be used to being off today after last Tuesday, but it really struck me this time. And now 2008. Weird. Is it a sign that I'm really getting old when I say, "Oh, 1998 wasn't that long ago." I have vivid memories from it. You know, those fresh ones that still feel new or newish. Bah. Maybe I'm trying to hold on to my late teens-early twenties-twenties period. Or I just have a memory of the awesome. And oops. I've wandered. I also meant to say that today feels weird because it's 7:30 AM and I'm at home, lunging in bed. Should be getting familiar with Julia & Julia as I wonder where I'm going to put the new copies (I had taken this "God won't give me anything I can't deal with" method at work (though I should know otherwise after being avalanched by Manga and then sending it back--I think it was sent back. God, I hope it wasn't tossed or something. Would that happen?) but it seems that the company sends things indiscriminately. WTF! Shouldn't they know that thirty-five copies of Julie & Julia is just too much?! I only use this book as an example because it's getting turned into a movie for a 2009 release (suddenly you're not so far away ole year to end the decade and marking of last year with two 0's. Hmm. 2008 is like double affinity: two 0's and the 8. Nice touch. Speaking of other "doubles", that's one part of the actual name of the statue used for Kirby Plaza--The Double Ascension, by Herbert Bayer (now that, while makes me think of Stargate: SG-1, has interesting connotations in Heroes, as there are multiple 'ascensions' going on. Double-doubles (just not the cheeseburger, which shall be what I get when I spend my In-n-Out 5 dollar gift card! Thanks Lyly of Borders!) Peter and Sylar and Peter and Nathan--though literally in the Petrellis' case. Oh yes, prop to scenery scout person who found this gem. I can just imagine it: "I know this awesome status downtown. We have to shoot there!" And, ironically, that statue really looks like the Godsend helix while viewed from above. I went back there with [livejournal.com profile] brokenbacktango and [livejournal.com profile] make_me_shiny. They reenacted Peter's and Sylar's scene as I took a couple of snaps.)

Okay, just stating this for new folks here (Allo!): my brain wanders like nobody's busy and I do my best to follow. My voice posts are much more scattered. I make no apologies, but wish to inform. At least I hope it is a fun and/or interesting ride. OCD with ability to draw weird connections \o/ (little guy who will now represent for the win or Yatta!)

Things I like to talk about and hopes for this journal for the year )

My main hope for this year is that it is a good one. I live, I love, I learn. I be easier on myself and not dwell on my deficiencies and errors. I give more. I take time out for myself everyday when I have nobody to worry about, not even myself. I think about what makes me angry, and look to correcting it. I think about what makes me depressed, and work on correcting that. My future is in my hands. Nobody else can change me but me. I am responsible for what happens to me. If I want to change, if I want to get better, I make it happen. If it doesn't happen as quickly, or as I want it to, I don't hold this against myself, either. Somethings things aren't meant to be even as much as we want them to. I just have to do my best with what I'm given. And my best is what I do at any given moment. How I perform now may not be directly comparable to how I performed ten, or even five years ago. I look at where I am now and go from there.


"Rewind" - A Nathan Petrelli Tribute
fangirljen: (Always Searching)
To my dear friends and people who I have yet to meet:

Many of my friends, both offline and online, have mentioned to me, in passing or directly, how much of a high-spirited person I am.  I am always happy, talking about the positives.  In the last few years, however, I haven’t felt so joyful and carefree.

I have started searching for a more spiritually enriching life, because the life I have right now has not been that.  It is not to say that I have not been happy, or have not felt joy, but I feel something lacking, incomplete.

I think a part of this unhappiness is entrenched in how I am saddened by workings of the world.  I felt myself very close to the point of feeling that there is no possible chance of countries, groups of people within those countries, communities, reaching a resolution and acceptance for others until the human race is no more.  At this point, I need to take a large step backward, because venturing to such a place in thought means entering a realm that would depress me further, with no way for personal resolution.

But maybe I have it wrong.  If offensive comic strips and speeches can outrage people to make a stance instead of doing nothing, what could positive words that enrich and foster thought and discussion do to both groups?

There’s a lack of understanding between people and it downright scares me.  When I was pulling out weeds on our meridian to save my mom from being arrested, or dragged to a court case, due to not having a “weeds clean” yard (simply for beautification purposes and NOT for safety issues), I started pondering on a rant about what I consider to be the crap in life that’s happening around the world right now, because people don’t seem to know how to stop, listen, and communicate with one another.  While reading The Tao of Writing: Imagine. Create. Flow by Ralph L. Wahlstrom (a really awe-inspiring book, which, for me, has been both creatively and spiritually rewarding) I came upon a passage of text which inspired me to do something constructive instead of destructive.  Wahlstom writes: “Simplicity is a tool for peace because it fosters cooperation and coexistence in place of competition and separation.  Our writing can do the same.  Words of peace create harmony between people, neighborhoods, and cultures.  As writers, we strive for simplicity and clarity, to avoid misunderstanding, to promote cooperation.  Writers often write to persuade.  If this is done in a spirit of hatred or violence, it creates a ripple of energy that threatens to amplify and perpetuate hatred and violence, bitter fruit indeed.  Writing for peace and harmony will bear the sweet fruit of peace” (136).

The idea which sprang was “The Confessionals Project.”  Hopefully one day it will be a book, but at this moment it exists within this Livejournal entry.

Post as yourself, another identity, anon, multiple identities, with text, without text, with graphics, just what you think sums up who you are and how you want people to perceive you.

[And this is me]

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fangirljen

December 2010

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