Jan. 5th, 2009 11:14 pm
fangirljen: (Bathtub Confessional)
I'm still finding myself emotionally exhausted...but on the plus side, I don't think I'm as depressed as I was. I've tried to make small changes. I have begun working on a Vision Board. I didn't do anything on it today, but I had been working on it Saturday and Sunday. I'll be putting more time in it on Tuesday, I hope. And I'll be reading the newest edition of What Color is Your Parachute? too. I have about four books that I'm reading from right now. *laughs* I'm gonna complete them. Hopefully this month. After I finish What Color is Your Parachute? I'll go back to the others.

But that's for later. Now for sleep. :)

Good Buys!

Jan. 2nd, 2009 11:59 pm
fangirljen: (Kristen Approved!)
The highlight of my evening was when I got my book journal and journal for six dollars and change. That's including tax. Regularly they would be over twenty-one dollars. But one book was marked to two dollars and I had my employee discount and five dollars in Borders bucks. This was kind of unprecedented. It was brilliant. :) Gonna fill the book journal with the books I plan on reading this year. It also has an area for writing in your view on the books. And a spiffy bookmark, too!

Otherwise...there was work. And it wasn't long, but we were so understaffed.

Oh well, enough about that.

Here's something to lighten your mood:

fangirljen: (Daphne)
Well now! Happy 09 everybody! New year. New hopes, new dreams. Or, old dreams, but you brush them off so they look new. But January 1st has that way of making things, even old, feel bright and new. I've regained some of my hope, even if I have no physical reason for that. One thing is for sure: I have an amazing support system of friends. Thank you for being there. :)

The most important thing I am doing this year is that I am giving myself permission to write freely. In fact, I'm going to taking part in a journaling class on Sundays, starting this week. I'm not sure how regularly I will attend, as it is ten dollars a class. I would rather not put forty dollars a month into this, but the first week? Yeah, I'll be there. And then I will see from there. I am also going to give myself permission to read. I've gotten stuck in another rut. A rut within a rut. I need to do my outside activities. I'm going to build them up. First, my three focuses are going to be: writing, reading, and exercising. The exercising part is going to be walking. I have also taken an interest in really paying attention to what I'm eating. I had this interesting conversation with my manager yesterday about his philosophy on food. He does not eat meat because he doesn't want to put anything dead into his body. When you take in something dead, you are taking in everything that it took in its life, as well as the death. I am probably on my way of becoming a vegetarian. I do try to not eat meat very often already, though. Or, I can approach it as what I am putting into my body, this is worth it.

I think these three things will help other things to fall into line. Other things that are on my mind are: how to build up and maintain self-confidence, especially when looking for a job and applying for a job; finding simplicity; cleaning. And that's just to start. I want to make my life more streamlined. The good thing is these things are about lifestyle changing. And, honestly, I don't think it's gonna take very much to do for me to see an improvement. The one thing I have to remember is that I am a work in progress and I don't want to get comfortable with my new life, even if it is tempting. That brings up another point: choices and impulse control. Gotta learn how to curb those.

I think I'm gonna like writing freely. I really don't know what is gonna come out. It was a fear of mine before--journaling and learning something about myself that I don't like--but now I've come to embrace it.

Let's see what happens. :D
fangirljen: (Group hug of awesome!)
I don't like to talk about the details of my life when it comes to personal stuff because I don't want to bother people with it. Life's been a struggle even before my mom went into the hospital. Money is not where it used to be for me. I haven't been able to help my parents like I once was able to. But with help from friends and even people we don't know we have been able to have good food and a variety of food, too. Many thanks to our family friends--Laurie, Jim, Jake, and Kate--for being so kind in giving the fixings for a ham dinner to my family!

Thank you to [ profile] ana_p, [ profile] lyndasty and her husband Jason, my former professor and friend Stephanie Hammer, [ profile] pavaneofstar, and [ profile] willowpolson and her family for sending me lovely cards! And thanks to my favorite Fandom sisters (well, they're really sisters and they love fandom!) [ profile] thelackey and [ profile] leadaisy for each giving me a journal and a card! [ profile] leadaisy also gave me an iTunes card and a very spiffy Adrian and Milo card. Back in November, I got a The Sky's the Limit! shirt from [ profile] eriksavatar, who later sent me a Joseph of Cupertino medallion (he is the patron saint of those traveling by air, astronauts, pilots who fly for the NATO Alliance, and test taking students/students in general). I also received a stack of virtual presents from Santa today! :D When [ profile] brokenbacktango asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I had to think on it a bit. Debated a bit. Then told her what I really, really, really wanted was to go to lunch at The Huntington Library Tea Room. :D

It has been a good day. My family is together. My friends are doing well. Life is good. &hearts
fangirljen: (Feeling Awesome)
I've been mostly awake since my mom and I got discharged from the sleepy time snoring clinic at 7ish this morning. Treated parents to breakfast, then went home and puttered around online. I don't even really remember what I did. *L* Went out with family after that. Did a bit of holiday shopping for Yule gifties. Which, btw, Happy Solstice! :) Then I took a nice bath with my nice bath gel I got from Bath and Body. Dancing Waters! :D Got some of that waterless sanitizer. But my favorite sanitizer is Warm Vanilla Sugar. Mmm. Makes life nicer. :) But the downside to my warm bath, I started to doze off. Like vision going blurry and split. Oops. So I knew I had to get out. At which point, I got into bed and crashed for about two hours. I thought I had slept fairly well at the sleepy time clinic, but what I had in my nap was much more recuperative. And now I really gotta go to bed; I'm working in eight hours. :(
fangirljen: (Default)
soo, soo, soo tired. Emotionally drained. But, in some ways, I'm impressed with myself. Some things have felt right emotionally. A good night sleep is gonna help. :)
fangirljen: (Portrait of a Girl)
NaNoWriMo Time! Chris Baty has things up and running after a bit of a slow start. I guess servers were down for a few days. Oops. But it's back! I'm feeling optimistic about it. Still have no clue what I'm gonna be writing. But as I'm supposed to be doing the [ profile] autumnwrite I should have some ideas when Nov finally rolls around. I have writing implements for it. Will need more pens, though. And I want to get [ profile] writerfangirl, my writing journal, spiffed out with paid status and 100 icons for a couple of months. I hope to get that done soonish. Probably on the 31st, if I have to wait until then. Depends on how October goes, really. I'm only working once this coming week. But I'm hoping for the best, will be job searching like a mad person, and selling more stuff on e-Bay. :)

Hm. Somehow this post turned into a description of where I am at the moment. Blast. I was talking about writing. :( Anyways...if you have done NaNoWriMo before, you should sign up again. If you haven't done NaNoWriMo before, you should sign up for the first time. Lots of fun. 50,000 words in thirty days. Not as impossible as you might think. Plus, when everybody else is doing it with you, it makes for more fun. This is me on the official site. Please feel free to friend. :) And my journal, too: [ profile] writerfangirl. Maybe in the next couple of days I'll think of something to write. :)
fangirljen: (Pretty Boys)
But I has new pretty and that's all that matters. Oh pretty boys. :D

Got more writing done, but not 44 pages. *L* But at least seven, so woot. Gonna write more tomorrow and get to a story that I had an idea about today. It involves the job description of a job I replied to a few days ago. It's kind of mysterious and might be fun to play with in a story. So I'll get to that.

But tomorrow.

Now it's time to sleep. :D

I think I might be coming down with what my parents had. I felt very icky this evening. :(
fangirljen: (Kristen Approved!)
So why don't I see any jobs with this sort of header? Would make things more than a little helpful. I now have another site to check for jobs: SocalHERC: Southern California Higher Education Recruitment Consortium. Got them through one of the Claremont Colleges. Have that and of course HigherEdJobs--the website I lost a while ago, but then remembered.

Heh. I just found one job with Westwood college that I remember applying for ages ago and it's still there. The date of posting for it was back in February! O.O They couldn't really be looking for someone for the position now, could they? Only one way to find out.

Time to check the newspaper!
fangirljen: (Prisoner)
No. No, I don't go to sleep now. :( First shift at Fair. Had to walk half a mile to get to fair, from bumper to bumper traffic. Thighs are in pain. :( Found out Sat shift is at 10. Need to wash clothes for tomorrow. Won't get to bed before 1. *sighs* But day was good. People are nice. :)
fangirljen: (Touching possibilities)
When I met with my mentor, Stephanie Hammer, last Tuesday, she expressed how she loved the fact that I knew what I wanted and how there are many people out there who don't.

This kind of stumped me (probably in that Capt. Tightpants way where he was floored over the fact that he had a way) because I surely don't feel like I know what I want.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that, yes, I do know what I want to know. What I want is somewhat flexible, though: I like to help people. I like to help people get their dreams and their ideas expressed, embraced, out there so people can experience them and maybe be changed by the experience, so they too can continue the trend and spread their own ideas and thoughts and achieve their own dreams. It's the power of good making its way throughout the world.

What I've settled on right now, and really want to try, is acting in an academic student advisory role. Not quite a counselor, but not too far off, either. Something that requires a BA, but not a MA.

I seem to be blocked at getting at this position, though. I've been spending the last couple of hours scouring school websites, higheredjobs, californiajobnetwork,, city websites, craigslist. I tried calling a local school and made no headway at all, but kept on getting caught by the phone trees and getting told that the attendants are busy with students. It's very discouraging and off and on I'm just crying my eyes out. I need a better job than what I have now. Something where I can be help to people. This is what I need to do. I can't take the fucking crap I have anymore.

There are two jobs I am waiting on that are of the nature I've described. One, the school that is closest to me, when I walked there (it's seriously only four minutes, on foot, away), the first thing the woman who is doing the hiring asked me is if I know Spanish. "No, I don't," I said, "but I have extensive experience with assisting ESL students. I go from where they are at and we make things happen." It didn't dawn on me until a few hours later that my experience with ESL students likely means nothing when one is helping students over the phone. But maybe she'll be so impressed with my skills and she'll hire me and then hire someone who knows Spanish because they need someone who speaks Spanish, too.

I know my situation isn't dire to anything but my spirit and my finances. I'm not in a situation where I'll lose my house, unlike thousands of other people. I'm grateful for this. But I fear that if I don't get somewhere that'll take well to my talents within the next few weeks, I'll lose more of myself than I already have.

So as the subject says, I'm open to suggestions. Do you know anybody who is hiring for a student advisor? Or for just an advisor period? A Muse, maybe? Why do I have to be skilled and interested in something so esoteric? *bangs head on the wall*
fangirljen: (Puppy love!!)
My thoughts keep returning back to the post I made on February 29th. In that post, I went back to the post I made on February 29th, 2004. From the tone in that post, I read myself happier. There's a great reason for that too: I was only four months away from graduating with my BA. After five years in college, straight out of high school, I went eighteen years of schooling without any break. But, honestly, I feel more burnt out now than I did then. It's all in the work I'm doing, I think.

Tonight I started re-reading Ralph Wahlstrom's The Tao of Writing. It's been helpful so far in getting my brain start thinking simpler. I make things too difficult, too weighty. I'm in the mood for reconsolidating my life and settling in. In this process, I'm going to back to the beginning of my Livejournal life, all the way to December 2002, roughly 1130 journal entries, and try to pick back up on what I had working for me before.

Work's coming up soon. I need to get up in about five and a half hours now. I wish I had the time to start reading now.


fangirljen: (Default)

December 2010

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