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5:23AM
I look forward to the time when I actually get up at the time my alarm first indicates (today was 4:40...but I changed that to 5:00 when I had to get up a few minutes after four to let the dog out. She always seems to want out twenty minutes within the time I'm supposed to be getting up. Would be nice if she had the decency of waiting!)
I was talking to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
brokenbacktango last night about blogging. She, like other people I know too, blog her daily life. I'd like to do that, but my life is boring. I mean, I don't think I'd want to read about it.
Here's my usual week-day: wake up thirty-forty minutes before work starts at 6; find something to eat (cereal, toast, or yogurt if I have it); get dressed (hope that my pants are washed. Lucky, haven't had a day where I couldn't find any); go to work; spend four hours shelving, alphabetizing, shifting; go home; go online for an hour; watch Gilmore Girls if it's a Milo episode; nap for a few hours; back online and take care of RP posts, look for a job (and hope to send app...I have a difficult time with the follow through), SNP business. Stay online until I get offline between 11-1.
No wonder I'm depressed, honestly! *L*
My mom asked me outright if I hated my job, and I said with complete certainty that I did. There are aspects of the job I like--the store, the employees (most of them)--but is it challenging? No. Is it taking me anywhere? No. I'm wasting away there. I haven't heard back on most of the jobs I've applied to in the last few months. There was a job in Claremont I was hoping for, but it was a no-go. They let me know by a handwritten notecard. Their thoughtfulness was taken into account, but it didn't make up for the fact that I didn't get the job. I have a lot of trouble 1. finding jobs that I qualify for; 2. finding jobs that are in areas that I can get to (I'm not familiar with LA's mass transit; however, now I know I can get to a great many places in North LA by train. Hollywood, Universal, places like that); and 3. following through (leaving out 3 was just an example of that! But everybody reading now won't have seen that 3 wasn't there until now, after I re-read what I had written). Gahh. This is still ever getting old.
Who out there has gone through this? Just waste away and then get their lives back on track. I know that I have things better than a lot of people. I have a house, food, people who love and care about me. It's just the happiness that I don't have. Gah, bloody fucking hell. *kicks self* I want what Nathan tells Linderman he wants: a life of happiness AND meaning. WTF. I really wasn't trying to make this fandom-related in any way. I've had these things at the same time, too. I just feel like I'm...something out there is meant for me. And that's why it bugs me so much that I'm letting myself do this.
The Weepies' "World Spins Madly On"
I look forward to the time when I actually get up at the time my alarm first indicates (today was 4:40...but I changed that to 5:00 when I had to get up a few minutes after four to let the dog out. She always seems to want out twenty minutes within the time I'm supposed to be getting up. Would be nice if she had the decency of waiting!)
I was talking to
brokenbacktango last night about blogging. She, like other people I know too, blog her daily life. I'd like to do that, but my life is boring. I mean, I don't think I'd want to read about it.Here's my usual week-day: wake up thirty-forty minutes before work starts at 6; find something to eat (cereal, toast, or yogurt if I have it); get dressed (hope that my pants are washed. Lucky, haven't had a day where I couldn't find any); go to work; spend four hours shelving, alphabetizing, shifting; go home; go online for an hour; watch Gilmore Girls if it's a Milo episode; nap for a few hours; back online and take care of RP posts, look for a job (and hope to send app...I have a difficult time with the follow through), SNP business. Stay online until I get offline between 11-1.
No wonder I'm depressed, honestly! *L*
My mom asked me outright if I hated my job, and I said with complete certainty that I did. There are aspects of the job I like--the store, the employees (most of them)--but is it challenging? No. Is it taking me anywhere? No. I'm wasting away there. I haven't heard back on most of the jobs I've applied to in the last few months. There was a job in Claremont I was hoping for, but it was a no-go. They let me know by a handwritten notecard. Their thoughtfulness was taken into account, but it didn't make up for the fact that I didn't get the job. I have a lot of trouble 1. finding jobs that I qualify for; 2. finding jobs that are in areas that I can get to (I'm not familiar with LA's mass transit; however, now I know I can get to a great many places in North LA by train. Hollywood, Universal, places like that); and 3. following through (leaving out 3 was just an example of that! But everybody reading now won't have seen that 3 wasn't there until now, after I re-read what I had written). Gahh. This is still ever getting old.
Who out there has gone through this? Just waste away and then get their lives back on track. I know that I have things better than a lot of people. I have a house, food, people who love and care about me. It's just the happiness that I don't have. Gah, bloody fucking hell. *kicks self* I want what Nathan tells Linderman he wants: a life of happiness AND meaning. WTF. I really wasn't trying to make this fandom-related in any way. I've had these things at the same time, too. I just feel like I'm...something out there is meant for me. And that's why it bugs me so much that I'm letting myself do this.
The Weepies' "World Spins Madly On"
