fangirljen

Since I last wrote, four hours ago (how'd that happen?!), I didn't get to writing. Instead, I checked my new pedometer (there's a nice little story there, but I'll shorten it to this: it was listed as 4.99, though it rang up for 21.99. Target is cool with their policy and they gave it to me for 4.99! Woot!) and it said I had gone about 4000 steps since I started wearing it. I couldn't have that. I wanted 10,000, the number of steps medical people suggest is needed in a day. So I set out to get 10,000--which doesn't include the steps I made at work or the ones at Target. Most of the steps I made in my room by dancing and moving to a good dozen different songs that I listened on my new CD player (also a wonderful buy for 9.99!) What seems so amazing to me is how far 10,000 steps is: roughly 5 miles! Whoa! o.o I'm toying with the idea of taking part in the 3Day. I mean, if I was physically fit enough come November to do that? That would be fantastic!

Besides going 6,000 steps, I did something I've never done before: I chopped off a few inches of my hair. :D It dawned on me that I didn't necessarily need to go to a salon to get my hair cut (I know, really stupid..*L*). I'm being tighter with a buck in some ways. Or, maybe not exactly tighter, but I'm weighing expenses more. So now my hair is about three inches shorter. Still so thick and I wish I could get it thinned out a bit, but it feels lighter and is a good style for Spring. :D

When I was in my room working out, I found my copy of A Lifetime of Love: Poems on the Passages of Time, by Leonard Nimoy. :D I was shocked to see that not only was Nimoy an acclaimed actor, photographer, but he was a poet as well! And sappy love poetry is his choice. Perfect for the season! :D

So I'll now share with you his first poem.
( Leonard Nimoy's sappy love poetry! )

Are you constantly feeling down about yourself? Don't feel like your life thus far has amounted to much? That your successes just aren't enough to make you feel fulfilled? Are you for yearning for something, but can't put your finger on it? Are you constantly anxious about finding success and perfection, but find you always fail? You're not alone! From my unofficial observations, these feelings seem to be prevalent among late teens and twenty-somethings who feel more than you're normal person (because those people who don't feel as much, he or she typically doesn't care so much). And, as it happens, many of my friends seem to be in this group, too. And what are we doing? Still continuing the way things have been in our lives. While we may be making changes, the problems still remain. The fears are still there.

Getting back to what I said earlier: you're not alone. This is key. People typically dislike being alone. And when one wants to change his or her life, making those differences can be scary. But if there are other people there to support you when you fall, to offer positive imput, love, you are likely to be more successful than you would be if you were doing it alone.

If you are interested in such a group, then I give you The Feel Good Club! We focus on the positive and (realistically) building you up. I don't know about for you, but when I think of something in a logical manner instead of the way my brain normally twists it, then I see that I don't have as many problems as I previously believed.

Besides giving support and love to your fellow club members, there's something you have to do for yourself too. Each day, you must do one good thing in your life. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you complete it. This something must be something that you're not going to feel guilty about later on. You complete it and enjoy your accomplishment. It might also be good to keep a written running total of what you've accomplished. Another cool thing to do is, at the start of your day, write down what you feel is a good thing in your life. Your daily blessings, essentially. You may find that you have more good going in your life than you previously thought!

Who wants to join me? :D




Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten"

Okay, so I've been writing for my blog, but you just haven't seen it. Dear God! I'm 37 pages behind! These are half pages with only about 150 words (yeah, it'll matter; I'm counting! *L*) per side, but still. That's a lot left for me to type. And I'm going to back date it all. At least by the weekend I'll be up-to-date.

I'm a bit sorry to say, but I like this less online time business I've managed to do in my life. It might not seem like it, but I am on a lot less. And when I'm on, I'm just sort of sitting here, chatting it up on IM, or listening to music. Not much of anything else is getting done. The trade off seems to be my brain is processing better. Like, I'm actually dreaming and remembering the dreams, which I haven't been able to do for a while. As I touched on in an earlier entry (as you will see later *L*), the fact that I wasn't doing REM sleep is pretty unhealthy. But I'm working on finding that balance: not spending too much time online and getting more sleep. And while I'm online, actually doing what I need to do: search for a job, fulfilling projects I owe people, and RP posts.

Speaking of projects, I've taken up another one. I've flirted with it before, but never have actually attempted it. I'm going to need help from you guys. I'm looking for Fangirls who have made accomplishments in some way in fandom that other people dream of accomplishing. This could be anything: meeting someone, making a fan movie, holding some acclaim as a fanfic writer. Something that you're infamously known for, or should infamously known for. If this fits you, e-mail me at writerfangirl @ gmail dot com, with keyword "Fangirl Interviews". Also, if you have any recommendations of fangirls who I should talk to, that would be fab too. This is just a fun little side project to let people meet fangirls who have accomplished much in their fandom.


The Killers - "All These Things That I've Done"

Originally written on January 2nd, 2008

The hallmark of the new year is to make resolutions and then break them. With the blank slate, people dream big of things, sometimes unrealistic to what they are actually able to achieve. I think that anybody can achieve the resolutions they set out for themselves if they have the resolve (heh, there's your root word right there) to. Resolve is difficult to build. I think of a car that is stuck in a mud puddle. The faster you go doing the same thing, you'll just tire out but will remain in the same place. There is no forward motion until something (that's the change) that pushes you out and gets you moving and the push by momentum--unless you stall out. But I'm not going to think about that. What I am going to think about is being pushed by momentum. That's how I got through two NaNoWriMos and my last year at UCR. This is why I thrive so well with a plan. I know where I want to end up. With that in mind, I can use any means to get there. I also know what resources are available to me. Like, for instance, my plan for a change in lifestyle.

The Game Plan

Walk - for at least an hour and once a week. I'd like to walk an hour a day, but I don't know how that will look in reality, especially when the weather is less than agreeable. Today, Katie and I walked around the Ontario Mills. It wasn't an hour, but it was a good walk. It helps me when I'm going somewhere in my walking. I like having a mission. A few days ago, I walked to downtown. And while there, I bought myself an iced tea. Very tasty. :D Those small rewards are very nice.

Sleep more - Go to bed between 11-12. Even after I get another job (though should be 10-11 by then, especially if job is going to be in LA or Riverside), 5 hours is the minimum. I'll shoot for six or seven when I get that down. Eight is definitely preferable, though.

Time for myself once a day - This can be anything that isn't demanding something of me. Meditate is the best thing. I feel better when the blood is pumping and my brain is clear. This seems logical, but feeling it is different. When I have had panic attacks in the past, I could make them go away by focusing on my breathing. Focus on that and I can't keep the uncomfortable thoughts around.

Dance, Dance Revolution - When I was in LA last weekend with Katie and Jessica, I first experienced this marvelous game. I've seen it before but just never played it. The game is both fun and challenging. I like keeping score. I know it would keep me busy for hours. I'm going to buy an at home unit when I have more money. Between this and walking, I think I can get pretty trim. I thought dancing might be a good thing for me after I watched a special on Richard Simmons. I honestly haven't found a sport or exercise that works as well as DDR. I think it even made me start wheezing, but my mind felt great afterward.

Eat better - I am going to keep fastfood mostly out of my life as it has been for over a month now. It is more for financial reasons, but it will be for food choice reasons, too. When I go out, I'll make choices for food that isn't fried, but fresh. Veggies, fruits, whole grains. Less processed. When I have the money, I am willing to buy the healthier stuff. I need to look into foods that promote stronger thinking (grapefruit, according to Richard Gilmore on The Gilmore Girls) and definitely fruit juice regularly when we have it (which hopefully will be constant). When I had my year with OJ, I didn't get sick that much. I've had blocked sinuses for ages now. It doesn't do much with preventing good thoughts, only fuziness. I'd like to finally get over that.

Creating/maintaining a better living space - This has always been difficult for me, likely because I have a lot of things and then don't put them away. I'm honestly not sure how this always gets out of hand for me. Maybe because it wasn't important to me. If it isn't, I seem to miss things. Blinders are on, or something. But with my outside environment being encouraging, that will help my brain.

Heroes: A Nathan Petrelli Tribute - "The Shadow of the Day" (Linkin Park) (Spoilers for "Powerless")

5:23AM

I look forward to the time when I actually get up at the time my alarm first indicates (today was 4:40...but I changed that to 5:00 when I had to get up a few minutes after four to let the dog out. She always seems to want out twenty minutes within the time I'm supposed to be getting up. Would be nice if she had the decency of waiting!)

I was talking to brokenbacktango last night about blogging. She, like other people I know too, blog her daily life. I'd like to do that, but my life is boring. I mean, I don't think I'd want to read about it.

Here's my usual week-day: wake up thirty-forty minutes before work starts at 6; find something to eat (cereal, toast, or yogurt if I have it); get dressed (hope that my pants are washed. Lucky, haven't had a day where I couldn't find any); go to work; spend four hours shelving, alphabetizing, shifting; go home; go online for an hour; watch Gilmore Girls if it's a Milo episode; nap for a few hours; back online and take care of RP posts, look for a job (and hope to send app...I have a difficult time with the follow through), SNP business. Stay online until I get offline between 11-1.

No wonder I'm depressed, honestly! *L*

My mom asked me outright if I hated my job, and I said with complete certainty that I did. There are aspects of the job I like--the store, the employees (most of them)--but is it challenging? No. Is it taking me anywhere? No. I'm wasting away there. I haven't heard back on most of the jobs I've applied to in the last few months. There was a job in Claremont I was hoping for, but it was a no-go. They let me know by a handwritten notecard. Their thoughtfulness was taken into account, but it didn't make up for the fact that I didn't get the job. I have a lot of trouble 1. finding jobs that I qualify for; 2. finding jobs that are in areas that I can get to (I'm not familiar with LA's mass transit; however, now I know I can get to a great many places in North LA by train. Hollywood, Universal, places like that); and 3. following through (leaving out 3 was just an example of that! But everybody reading now won't have seen that 3 wasn't there until now, after I re-read what I had written). Gahh. This is still ever getting old.

Who out there has gone through this? Just waste away and then get their lives back on track. I know that I have things better than a lot of people. I have a house, food, people who love and care about me. It's just the happiness that I don't have. Gah, bloody fucking hell. *kicks self* I want what Nathan tells Linderman he wants: a life of happiness AND meaning. WTF. I really wasn't trying to make this fandom-related in any way. I've had these things at the same time, too. I just feel like I'm...something out there is meant for me. And that's why it bugs me so much that I'm letting myself do this.


The Weepies' "World Spins Madly On"

Written at 5:15AM


Recently, I made a couple of discoveries about my choice in movie genre: I'm a fan of the fluffy, British love comedy. On a similar token, I'm also a fan of the New York fluffy story. Enchanted made me realize this second theme. I bet it's related to my interests in Science Fiction. Many of the Marvel Comics lines are set in NYC or just outside. The setting is highly pertinent to the story. X-Men would not be the same without Westchester County or Peter Parker without his cheapo flat. So it's a fav setting when it has a whimsical nature. Other movies I like that have this theme are: Serendipity, Sweet November, Maid in Manhattan, Kate & Leopold, and Someone Like You. And mostly, they are about, typically an eccentric, or different thinking woman, getting the man who is too wrapped up in himself. Usually he's a lawyer, or wears a three-piece suit. She manages to get him to discover the simpler things in life, and they find love. The characters are different, but the plot doesn't change much.

HEH! Now it makes total sense why I fell so hard for Nathan Petrelli and am a Petrelicester to boot! So Heroes plays with the story and puts Peter in the female role. See! Petrellicest is canon and not just subtext. LOL The writers are playing with old plots, but just changed the two people involved. Hehe. This is awesome. Okay, that discovery was fun. Now it's time for work!


Seether's "Fake It"