What Else Can I Say That I Haven't Already Said?

[fangirljen]

5:23AM

I look forward to the time when I actually get up at the time my alarm first indicates (today was 4:40...but I changed that to 5:00 when I had to get up a few minutes after four to let the dog out. She always seems to want out twenty minutes within the time I'm supposed to be getting up. Would be nice if she had the decency of waiting!)

I was talking to brokenbacktango last night about blogging. She, like other people I know too, blog her daily life. I'd like to do that, but my life is boring. I mean, I don't think I'd want to read about it.

Here's my usual week-day: wake up thirty-forty minutes before work starts at 6; find something to eat (cereal, toast, or yogurt if I have it); get dressed (hope that my pants are washed. Lucky, haven't had a day where I couldn't find any); go to work; spend four hours shelving, alphabetizing, shifting; go home; go online for an hour; watch Gilmore Girls if it's a Milo episode; nap for a few hours; back online and take care of RP posts, look for a job (and hope to send app...I have a difficult time with the follow through), SNP business. Stay online until I get offline between 11-1.

No wonder I'm depressed, honestly! *L*

My mom asked me outright if I hated my job, and I said with complete certainty that I did. There are aspects of the job I like--the store, the employees (most of them)--but is it challenging? No. Is it taking me anywhere? No. I'm wasting away there. I haven't heard back on most of the jobs I've applied to in the last few months. There was a job in Claremont I was hoping for, but it was a no-go. They let me know by a handwritten notecard. Their thoughtfulness was taken into account, but it didn't make up for the fact that I didn't get the job. I have a lot of trouble 1. finding jobs that I qualify for; 2. finding jobs that are in areas that I can get to (I'm not familiar with LA's mass transit; however, now I know I can get to a great many places in North LA by train. Hollywood, Universal, places like that); and 3. following through (leaving out 3 was just an example of that! But everybody reading now won't have seen that 3 wasn't there until now, after I re-read what I had written). Gahh. This is still ever getting old.

Who out there has gone through this? Just waste away and then get their lives back on track. I know that I have things better than a lot of people. I have a house, food, people who love and care about me. It's just the happiness that I don't have. Gah, bloody fucking hell. *kicks self* I want what Nathan tells Linderman he wants: a life of happiness AND meaning. WTF. I really wasn't trying to make this fandom-related in any way. I've had these things at the same time, too. I just feel like I'm...something out there is meant for me. And that's why it bugs me so much that I'm letting myself do this.


The Weepies' "World Spins Madly On"

Comments

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[petersavatar.livejournal.com]

I'm right with you there, hon. Stuck in a job for very little pay, some decent employees, and dealing with the frustration of waiting to hear back from a prospective employer. I am so there with you. Call me if you need to talk.

~Isa.

I understand that...

[gloriatraveler.livejournal.com]

I decided to skip the cesty video. lol but I totally understand the depressed job crap and wanting some happiness. I'm currently looking for a job myself. I do find if I set a few small goals for myself. It cheers me up when I meet them, maybe that would work for you too. Having something to look forward to helps to cheer me up.. SDCC for instance. :o)

Re: I understand that...

[fangirljen.livejournal.com]

That was the wrong video. *L* I've since fixed it. It's actually Jess/Rory vid from Gilmore Girls. I just have to sit down and write them down. I'm looking forward to Comic Con. Or looking forward to getting the money for it, rather. *L*

[ewanspotter.livejournal.com]

Blogging about your live doesn't have to be a like that though. I mean, it's fun to write observations of the day, sometime about your life, from watching other people. Random crap. It doesn't have to be one laundry list or your day.

[wisecracks.livejournal.com]

My life has been wasting away without happiness or purpose for about 6 years now. You never really get used to it and it's made worse by people constantly poking at you to do something (because they're jealous of you sleeping all day when they can't, i dunno). Cheers!

[scififreak.livejournal.com]

It's okay, really. We've all been there. Or will be there. I'm still trying to find my place but I think I'll find it. You will, too.

[cosmicavatar.livejournal.com]

Awww, dude, you're not alone. Considering one can spend a fair proportion of one's day there, it's not unreasonable to want to work somewhere you enjoy. Don't give up searching! That job is out there somewhere.